Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I still have a little drunk in my system
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
