My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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