I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
