just come out here and I will go home with you...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize