nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Randomize