Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
