Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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