sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
How external is "for external use only"?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
