Your mouth is God's brothel.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
