I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Found your dick twin last night
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
