grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
