My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
