i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
