from now on my penis is your penis
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
