Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
