Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
