just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
