We named our party play list daddy issues
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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