I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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