I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
