So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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