It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
My liver just broke up with me...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
