i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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