it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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