i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
