As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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