Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize