So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
