my being single is dangerous.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
