Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
