Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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