my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
