he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
