so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
