my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I think weed is turning my hair brown
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
