We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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