I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
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