Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
