look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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