Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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