Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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