Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
