Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
40s are totally the cure
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
