Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
