Betty ford says i'm here all night
this beer tastes like vomit already
Life is so much better after having sex.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
