I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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