I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
