I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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