when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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