Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
