oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
