no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
