I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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