omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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