I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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