bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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