I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
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