now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
