I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
