10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
That reminds me...we need to get swords
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
