Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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