Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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