Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
