go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
