Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize