so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
