There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Randomize
