i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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