i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
