Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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