Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
